HFFL Year 8: Preseason Preview
Drink Paint
2025 Record: 8-6 (2nd Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 1-13 (12th Place)
Going into the 9th year of the HFFL, commissioner Ethan Litton looks to better himself from last year’s 3rd place finish and get back to the top of the podium. While he has 1st round talent Ja’Marr Chase leading his team into the new year, he will need his RB room to pull their own weight, as CTE Skattabo and Jeremiyah Love (with an ankle sprain) look to help Commissioner Litton get a week 1 victory over Spiderman. Even with Chase as his WR1, he’ll need Luther Burden III and De’Zhaun Stribling to put in some work as well. If Drink Paint wants to make it to the playoffs this year, then lets hope his team doesn’t hit the IR before the season even begins.
Preseason Accolades:
Football Guy: Brayshul Tuten
Stack of the Year: Joe Burrow & Ja’Marr Chase
IR First Team All-American: Joe Burrow
Most Corrupt Commissioner 2026: Ethan Litton
One of Them Must Be Good So Might as Well Get Both Award: KC Concepcion & Denzel Boston
Handcuffing Yourself Award: Jeremiyah Love & Tyler Allgeier
Spiderman
2025 Record: 7-7 (7th Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 2-12 (11th Place)
In the HFFL, Jerry is the man with the plan. If he knows someone is going to fall to him, he’s going to let everyone know. He knew how to draft a wide receiver room, as A.J Brown and CeeDee Lamb put him at the top of the league in terms of star power (you could also include Zay Flowers in the mix as well). After that you’ve got Christian Watson, who I wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot clown pole, and the Jet’s true WR1 Adonai Mitchell. But Jerry must really know something that the entire league doesn’t, because having Jordan Mason as your RB2 is a galaxy-brained move. The RB1 is De’Andre Swift, who will have to fight for snaps with Kyle Monangai once he returns from injury. No one truly knows how the season will play out, but let's hope Jerry can make it happen.
Preseason Accolades:
Football Guy: A.J Brown
High-Power WR Room Award: A.J Brown, CeeDee Lamb & Zay Flowers
Just Engaged Award: Justin Herbert
Beat Out 9 Award: Kyler Murray
Forgot He Existed Award: Jordan Mason
Most Overpaid Award: Zay Flowers
Daejon Love Boat
2025 Record: 7-7 (10th Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 6-8 (8th Place)
As the brother of Commissioner Ethan, Eli must sometimes keep Ethan in line or else he will corrupt the entire league. With the help of co-manager Delrossi, Daejon Love Boat will look to derail the rest of the league and make a name for themselves. Jaxson Smith-Njigba needs to repeat the monster year he had last year when he was named 2025 Defensive Player of the Year. The backfield of Saquon Barkley & Rhamondre Stevenson will look to help keep the train on the rails, but they’ve got to look out for Sean Mannion and Mike Vrabel stealing snaps from them. Will Josh Allen continue his reign as a fantasy QB powerhouse? Or will he continue to be cucked by Michael B. Jordan? We all wait to see how the 2026 season will play out.
Preseason Accolades
Football Guy: Trey McBride
Lucky the RB2 Made Love to Diana Russini Award: Rhamondre Stevenson
Most Trips to Germany Award: Elijah Litton
Lost Job to Guy with One Eye Award: Tyrone Tracy
Why Did the Saints Draft This Guy Award: Jordyn Tyson
Built a House Award: John Delrossi
Smoking Darts
2025 Record: 5-9 (9th Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 7-7 (7th Place)
When drafting for fantasy football, injuries can be a blessing and a curse. For Tyler, that really comes into play when looking at the team he has drafted. Jaxson Dart couldn’t go 5 minutes without injuring himself last year, while Travis Etienne Jr. is lucky Kamara is getting old & is injured. It doesn’t stop there as his 2nd round pick Ashton Jeanty has a sprained ankle and is out for the foreseeable future. The only thing going right for Tyler is that his taco dip is absolutely killer (please bring more to next year’s draft). Tyler is praying that Parker Washington turns into the guy for Jacksonville, and that the Jaxson Dart/Isaiah Likely stack doesn’t bite him in the ass.
Preseason Accolades
Football Guy: Amon-Ra St. Brown
Most Likely to End up in the Blue Tent Award: Jaxson Dart
Sleeper TE Award: Brenton Strange
We’ve Been Saying His Last Name Wrong Award: Travis Etienne Jr.
He’s the WR1? Award: Alec Pierce
Rome Improvement
2025 Record: 3-11 (8th Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 5-9 (9th Place)
Can Kyler Murray throw over his O-Line and help Justin Jefferson out in fantasy football? Will Davante Adams continue to be a 5 yard TD merchant? With DJ Moore gone, will Rome Odunze finally begin to blossom into the top 10 draft pick he’s supposed to be? All that and more on tonight’s 60 Minutes. Just like every team during the preseason, a lot of questions arise, and throughout the season many questions will be answered. Will those questions prove positive for Highlights and his rag-tag team of fantasy football players? Or will it all be for nothing? Just like the Chicago Bears, Rome Improvement is looking for its home at the top (Arlington Heights), but if things go south, it’s back to the bottom (Indiana) for Highlights & the gang.
Preseason Accolades
Football Guy: Tyler Warren
Could be Top 5 Fantasy RB Award: Chase Brown
Old but Still Getting TDs Award: Davante Adams
Should Request a Trade Next Year Award: Justin Jefferson
Ram Wishes He Got Him Award: Omar Cooper Jr.
Washed Award: Patrick Mahomes
We Are Groot
2025 Record: 8-6 (5th Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Rank: 9-5 (4th Place)
In the HFFL, it is widely known that Hobbes worships the computer. The computer knows all, and has all knowledge on fantasy football. He would trade all of his illegal ethereum mines just to gain the knowledge of the computer. The computer told him to get Josh Jacobs (it was a steal) but it’s leaning towards him being suspended for multiple weeks. His RB room is solid with Bijan and Price (if he gains most of the snaps) but with Jacob’s suspension looming, it’s a tight room after that. He has Charbonnet, but when he comes back who does he trust more? Is it a 50/50 committee or will one of them actually jump out and outgain the other? Hobbes lives by the computer, and he will unfortunately die by the computer if things go south for We Are Groot.
Preseason Accolades
Football Guy: Bijan Robinson
Would Trade His Mortal Flesh to Become a Super Computer Award: Kelbin Rodriguez
Getting Suspended for a Long Time Award: Josh Jacobs
Had to Get Him as a Seahawks Fan Award: Jadarian Price
That Motherfucker is Not Real Award: Jonathan Brooks
Most Likely to Pick the Wrong Robinson: Bijan Robinson & Brian Robinson
Take These Dak Shots
2025 Record: 8-6 (3rd Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 13-1 (1st Place)
The frontrunner of the HFFL’s 8th year, Take These Dak Shots has drafted a nice team that should get them to the playoffs. The RB duo of Jahmyr Gibbs & Kyren Williams solidifies them as a top tier team this year. While it may seem like sunshine & rainbows this year, behind closed doors there’s clear drama brewing. The second and final team, managed by two people (Vinny & Grain), has long been at the forefront for drama in the HFFL. At this year’s draft, the drama came out for everyone to see. When co-manager Grain went up to make two picks in a row, he chose Travis Kelce & Jakobi Meyers. Vinny, disgusted by the picks, made a face that everyone saw and sighed in disgust & embarrassment. Grain did not know that Meyers was seen with a brace on his hand after jamming it in practice. Will the drama derail their season? Find out next time on Hooligan Ball Z
Preseason Accolades
Football Guy: Brock Bowers
Got Beat Up in Panama City Beach During Spring Break 2015 Award: Dak Prescott
Made Vinny Mad Award: Travis Kelce & Jakobi Meyers
Sick RB Room Award: Jahmyr Gibbs & Kyren Williams
Who Will He Fight on the Field This Year Award: DK Metcalf
American Hero Award: Dylan Mauro
Travisless Mahomeless
2025 Record: 9-5 (1st Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 8-6 (6th Place)
The defending champion of the HFFL, Travisless Mahomless will have a target on their back. Joe is projected to be mid this year, but we all know that the Yahoo projected record is bullshit. He’s got a decent team drafted this year, and De’Von Achane will literally be the Dolphin’s entire offense so he’ll do nicely. With Jayden Higgin’s ACL imploding into tiny pieces, Nico Collins should get a good chunk of targets (until Kayshon Boutte steals all of them). Speaking of the Patriots, Joe drafted TreVeyon Henderson as his RB3. It’s looking like he’ll be in the shadow realm as Mike Vrabel would rather have Stevenson get all the carries. Joe gets all the bragging rights as former champ, but he has an uphill battle to get back to the top of the mountain for a second year in a row.
Preseason Accolades
Football Guy: Kyle Pitts Sr.
Congrats on the Sex Award: Joe Draper
1 Yard TD King Award: Jalen Hurts
Entire Dolphins Offense Award: De’Von Achane
Will He Be a True WR1? Award: Devonta Smith
Shadow Realm RB1: TreVeyon Henderson
Benjamin Netanyahu
2025 Record: 7-7 (6th Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 9-5 (5th Place)
The Big Yahu gets what he wants, as he has gotten a hold of Christian McCaffrey for the millionth time in a row. Paired with Derrick Henry, Jake has a backfield that is so old that there’s a chance they both retire and go into a retirement home by the end of the season. With Egg Boy and Julian Edelman Jr. as his WRs 1 & 2, he hopes they can be better than they were last year. LaMar Jackson had a down year with injuries & pooping his pants, can he regain his fantasy power and become a top 5 QB this year? The former Top G was at the top of the league, but last year he was bounced out of the playoffs in the first round. He now returns for redemption and more playoff success.
Preseason Accolades
Football Guy: Derrick Henry
Substation Player of the Year Award: Christian McCaffrey
Sleeper WR Award: Antonio Williams
Stomach Problems Award: Lamar Jackson
Summer of the White Boy Award: Ladd McConkey
Has a Gym in His Basement Award: Jake Boteses
The Sea Shepard
2025 Record: 9-5 (4th Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 12-2 (2nd Place)
As The Sea Shepherd goes out to see for another year of saving dolphins all across the HFFL, it first needs permission from Jayden Daniel’s mother, as he was selected by Slaw in this year’s HFFL Draft. With his two RBs who can make plays (Jonathan Taylor & Omarion Hampton) they’ll be able to protect Jayden and make his mother feel at ease. With speed demon Rashee Rice at the WR1, there’s no telling how fast & far The Sea Shepherd will go. If Emeka Egbuka is called Egg Boy, then Chris Olave should be called Scrambled Egg Boy for all the concussions Spencer Rattler got him with his hospital passes. Slaw placed 4th last year, and decided to coach his team hard in order to not get 5th, out of respect for his current QB Jayden Daniels.
Preseason Accolades
Football Guy: Jonathan Taylor
Most Concussions in a Career Award: Chris Olave
First LSU WR Bust in Ages Award: Brian Thomas Jr.
Substation 2nd Team All Pro Award: Mike Evans
Grain Wanted Him Bad Award: Fernando Mendoza
Please Don’t Sue the HFFL Award: Jayden Daniels
Drakes on a Plane
2025 Record: 6-8 (12th Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 9-5 (3rd Place)
The loser of the 7th HFFL season, Drakes on a Plane, looks for redemption after an absolutely terrible season last year. Shiner came into this draft looking for change, and with his new team he hopes it happens sooner rather than later. Puka Nacua was Shiner’s 1st round draft pick, but with questions looming over his shoulder about his crazy antics and his serial biting sprees, we hope the worst is behind him. Drake London being his WR2 should be cause for celebration, but with Tua Turndaballova & Michael Penis Jr. as his QBs there’s more cause for panic than happiness. But with future NFL MVP Drake Maye at his disposal, the future looks bright this season for Drakes on a Plane.
Preseason Accolades
Football Guy: Drake Maye
Second Coming of Shane Gillis Award: Jonathan Leonard
First WR With Two Down Syndrome QBs Award: Drake London
Finally Free from Jahmyr Gibbs Award: David Montgomery
The Next Sebastian Janikowski Award: Harrison Mevis
Sadly on the Tennessee Titans Award: Carnell Tate
Sadiq deez Nuts
2025 Record: 7-7 (11th Place)
2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 3-11 (10th Place)
Away from his old life in CT, Sadiq deez Nuts looks to get a fresh breath of California air and start anew in the HFFL. But it was business as usual for Ram as he took Garrett Wilson in the 2nd round, solidifying his place as the biggest Jets superfan. It was another year of odd draft choices, but maybe it’ll all work out for Andrew Ram this year. From his gaming computer across the country, Ram picked Tit McMillian and Scary Terry as the rest of his WR core, but will they be able to carry their own weight? He also chose Matthew Golden as his WR4, which was a questionable call. When asked about that choice, fellow leaguemate Dylan Mauro said: “Why are you guys mad at me? Joe splashed water on me and now it’s like I’m at a waterpark.”
Preseason Accolades
Football Guy: James Cook III
Took the TE that I Wanted to Draft Award: Harold Fannin Jr. & Andrew Ram
Onion Boy Award: Andrew Ram
Better PC than Hobbes Award: Andrew Ram
Best Sports Trainer Award 2026: Andrew Ram
Ram Will Never Give Up on You Award: Garrett Wilson
The Next Chris Herndon Award: Kenyon Sadiq
2025 Record: 6-8 (12th Place)2026 Yahoo Projected Record: 9-5 (3rd Place)
The loser of the 7th HFFL season, Drakes on a Plane, looks for redemption after an absolutely terrible season last year. Shiner came into this draft looking for change, and with his new team he hopes it happens sooner rather than later. Puka Nacua was Shiner’s 1st round draft pick, but with questions looming over his shoulder about his crazy antics and his serial biting sprees, we hope the worst is behind him. Drake London being his WR2 should be cause for celebration, but with Tua Turndaballova & Michael Penis Jr. as his QBs there’s more cause for panic than happiness. But with future NFL MVP Drake Maye at his disposal, the future looks bright this season for Drakes on a Plane.
Preseason Accolades
Football Guy: Drake Maye
Second Coming of Shane Gillis Award: Jonathan Leonard
First WR With Two Down Syndrome QBs Award: Drake London
Finally Free from Jahmyr Gibbs Award: David Montgomery
The Next Sebastian Janikowski Award: Harrison Mevis
Sadly on the Tennessee Titans Award: Carnell Tate
